1) If you need urgent help now

Trust your read of danger. Your safety comes first.

2) What abuse can look like

Abuse is about power and control. It may be:

  • Physical: hitting, choking, restraining, damaging belongings.
  • Emotional: insults, humiliation, threats, gaslighting, isolation.
  • Coercive control: monitoring movements/devices; restricting sleep, food or money.
  • Financial: taking wages/benefits, forced debt, blocking work or education.
  • Sexual: any non-consensual sexual activity; reproductive coercion.
  • Digital/tech: spyware, location tracking, account takeovers, revenge porn.

It can happen in any relationship or household. It’s not your fault.

3) Why leaving can feel impossible

Fear, love, finances, children, immigration status, disability, religious/community pressure, or disability-related care can make leaving complex. Abuse also affects the nervous system — anxiety, shutdown, trauma responses — which narrows options. Difficulty leaving is not weakness.

4) Build a safety plan (at your pace)

Core plan
  1. Signals & code words: agree a phrase to alert trusted people; set check-in times.
  2. Safe spots: identify a room to go to (ideally with a door/exit) and public places nearby.
  3. Essentials bag: copies of ID, passports, meds, bank cards, keys, charger, cash — hide with a trusted person if possible.
  4. Routes & transport: spare keys, bus routes, taxi numbers; think through a late-night option.
Medication & means safety
  • Keep only small quantities of medication at home; consider weekly pharmacy pick-up.
  • Store sharp items securely if relevant to your situation.
Phone & documents
  • Private email with strong password + 2FA; scan docs to it.
  • Set “emergency contacts” on your phone’s lock screen.
Safety Plan (PDF) Appointment Notes (PDF)

Stabilise day-to-day

  • Keep a simple routine for sleep, food, fluids; tiny movement or outside light daily.
  • Identify two safe people for short check-ins.
  • Practice one grounding skill: inhale 4, exhale 6–8; 5-4-3-2-1 senses.
Calm corner at home with blanket and warm mug
Small, steady steps lower risk and build options.

5) Technology safety & stalking

Quick tech wins

  • Change passwords; enable 2FA to a private email/number.
  • Review location sharing (Find My/Google/WhatsApp/Snap map).
  • Check for unknown devices on Wi-Fi; update router password.
  • Consider a secondary cheap phone for key contacts.
  • Use library/work devices for sensitive searches if safer.

Stalking/harassment

  • Trust patterns: repeated following, messages, turning up, tracking = risk. Report to police (101 / 999 in emergency).
  • Keep evidence (see below). Do not engage if unsafe; block and report.
  • Ask your mobile provider about number change and security notes.

7) Children & pets

Children

  • Teach an age-appropriate plan: where to go, who to call (999), trusted neighbour.
  • Share the school/GP with key info if safe to do so.
  • Keep copies of birth certificates and health info with your documents.

Pets

  • Ask local rescues or vets about temporary fostering if you need to leave quickly.
  • Keep pet ID, medication details and photos in your document pack.

8) Specific groups & situations

LGBTQ+

  • Abuse may include outing threats and community isolation. Ask services if they’re LGBT-inclusive; see Galop in links.

Disabled / long-term illness

  • Abuse can involve withholding care/equipment. Record care needs; speak to adult social care.

Forced marriage / “honour”-based abuse

  • Specialist help exists (see Forced Marriage Unit). Make a travel & document safety plan.

Immigration / NRPF

  • Ask about the Domestic Violence Concession and specialist advice. You still have rights to protection.

9) Keeping evidence (only if safe)

10) Support services (UK & Scotland)

11) For friends & family

What helps

  • Believe them. Say: “I’m glad you told me. You’re not to blame.”
  • Ask: “What would help for the next day?” Offer specific help (lifts, childcare, store documents).
  • Help with a safety plan and check-ins; keep helplines handy.

What to avoid

  • “Why don’t you just leave?” — it’s often unsafe/complex.
  • Confronting the abuser — can increase risk.
  • Taking over everything — keep the person’s choices central.

If you’re worried about your own behaviour

Help exists. Call the Respect Phoneline for confidential support to change.

Important Note

The information here is for general understanding and support and is not a substitute for professional legal, safeguarding, medical or financial advice. If you feel unable to keep yourself safe or someone else is at risk, call 999 (UK) immediately. If you’re outside the UK, contact your local emergency number.

If it’s safer to browse privately, use a public device and clear history. Your safety decisions matter most — take this at your pace.

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